


"Like, You're At My Level?"

by WonderlandJudas



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: ALL THE CRACK, Crack, Crossover, Gen, Humor, I don't know how this even happened but okay, Insanity, lolz, re-post
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-07
Updated: 2013-04-07
Packaged: 2017-12-07 18:06:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/751456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WonderlandJudas/pseuds/WonderlandJudas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named meets That-Which-Cannot-Be-Named. And it isn't pretty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Like, You're At My Level?"

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this was originally over at TTH, but since I'm over here as well, I thought I'd post it! I've totally looked it over and re-worked it, so it's a bit longer that the original. I hope it's better/funnier! :)

It truly was a lovely home, Glory mused, as she looked at her perfectly manicured nails. Her many possessions could totally fit here! And the ballroom could double as bedroom, as well as a closet. She would have to cover the stone walls, since they were so medieval, and she would need electricity obviously, but otherwise it was absolutely perfect! She was already picturing her new design layout: a few leather couches, a vanity table, various shoe racks, new shoes, and a completely new wardrobe because everything she had was _so_ last season and not compatible with anything on this island. And, most importantly, she could put a large mirror (one that could cover most of the wall) on the side over there, so she could properly view her glorious image.

********  


Glory giggled at the pun.

********  


“-And that is why you must die!” The idiotic man growled. The woman's demon followers chuckled as he said this.

********  


At this, Glory looked at him, giving him the full glare of an annoyed Hell God. The scaly-man-demon thing had rambled ever since she entered her new abode and she was okay with just ignoring it, seeing as she did not feel like cleaning today, but she could not just allow it to speak like that to _her_. Did the peon not know whom it was addressing?

********  


“Excuse me?” She asked, rolling her eyes. “You know, for a creepy snake-person you have a very large mouth. Allow me to close it for you!”

********  


“You think you could touch me, muggle?” Voldemort sneered. His followers all had their wands out and stood against the human woman.

********  


“Oh, what did you call me?” Glory growled, as she walked toward him, the hem her red dress brushing across her knees. “First, I ruin my new Jimmy Choo's from the sorry state you keep this place in, after I graciously allow you a ten-second head start in which to leave _my_ new home, and now you're insulting me? Like you're at my level?”

********  


One of the peasants raised his wand. “Reducto!” He sneered.

********  


A red light appeared, hit Glory and bounced right off, hitting the wall in front of her. The spell made a gigantic hole; the stone cracked and crumbled.

********  


Glory yawned, once again inspecting her nails. Maybe she'd try 'firecracker red' next time, as this new polish did _not_ go with her outfit. Why did she ever think purple would go with red? It must have been one of her servants. “Was that supposed to actually do something?”

********  


The Death Eaters simply stared. Never in the history of the Wizarding world had something like that ever happened. Spells did not simply bounce off of muggles! It was ludicrous! Bellatrix looked around the room, nervously eying the demonic creatures the insane blonde kept near her. Lucius and a few others could not keep her eyes off of her, looking at her with surprise and fear.

********  


Glory reveled in the attention. It was so nice to be noticed.

********  


Voldemort was shocked. How could a mere muggle survive? He hissed. “You have ten seconds to tell me how you did that or-”

********  


“You'll do what?” Glory sneered. “Hiss at me? Maybe rant a little more? Um, no.” She put her hand on her hip. “Let me tell you what's really going to happen. You are going to get yourself and your little psychotic playmates out of my new summer home, pronto. Like now. I have redecorating to supervise and I cannot have you dirtying up the place. Understood?”

********  


“Avada Kedavra!” Voldemort exclaimed angrily, raising his wand. He smiled as the green light struck the woman. That ought to take care of that loud mouthed-

********  


“You ruined my dress!” Glory screeched. The green light had hurt her, alright. It hurt her right where it hurt the most: her clothes. Her once beautiful dress had a scorch mark that reached from her hip to her throat. “Do you know how much vintage Chanel costs!?”

********  


In a terrifying display of speed, the woman ran to Lord Voldemort and grabbed him by the robes. “You ruined my dress, stupid snake-man!” She screamed. “For that, I'm going to ruin you!”  

********  


Quickly, she snapped both his arms and and both his legs. Lord Voldemort screamed in pain. She threw him on the floor. The gigantic snake that entwined itself around his throne reared back and attacked. Glory grabbed it as well and ripped it in two, throwing the two pieces of large snake at the stupid man's followers.

********  


“I'm going to do the same to you!” She yelled at the now-broken Lord Voldemort. "I also might make myself a nice pair of snake-skin boots." The snake-man's playmates stared at her in shock and horror, pieces of snake meat now dripping off a select few. Glory turned to her minions. “Kill them all!” She hissed. “Oh, and do it away from this room; I don't want any nasty human blood on my new floor!”  

********  


Bellatrix, having seen her beloved Lord Voldemort so easily defeated, launched herself at the blonde, screaming curses. Glory simply pushed her to the side.

********  


“Ugh! If I had friends and they saw me right now, they would totally make fun of me! I mean, _me_ , Glorificus, consorting with the help! Like, how is it even allowed?” Glory grabbed Bellatrix off the floor and quickly snapped her neck. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you that good help doesn’t talk?”

********  


One man, with snake blood and venom dripping from his annoyingly bright platinum hair, stared at her. “What are you?” He asked, shocked and to terrified to do anything, as a demon manhandled him away.

****  
****

Glory shrugged and sat in her new throne (because she was totally keeping the throne- it went with her complexion), propping her beautiful feet on the head of the screaming snake-thing. “Isn’t it obvious? I'm a God.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I know magic can hurt Glory, but for the purpose of this story only some spells hurt her and certainly never anything as plebeian as a killing curse. :P


End file.
